Sara Cate

It’s something that happens in your thirties. You have to face your loneliness without seeing an end in sight, and it sucks.”

never knew what I was looking for until I met him, someone to quiet the noise. To match my fire with their own.

y fingers bury themselves in her hair, loving the momentum of her body. She keeps it up, and I feel myself breaking, but still, I try to savor this.
She pulls away from the kiss for a moment and stares up at me. “Give it to me, Cullen. Give me your pleasure.”
She winds her fingers in mine, clasping our hands firmly together as I thrust harder. When I feel myself shuddering and fighting it, she squeezes my hand even tighter.
With our mouths pressed together, I cry out, “I’m coming.” The climax spreads through my body, lasting forever as it clamps down and breaks me, shattering every fragment of who I am until there is nothing left.
Until I am nothing but hers.
When the pleasure finally subsides and I can breathe again, we fall against the sheets together, and she kisses me everywhere, moving from my ear to my jaw, and I steal her lips, piercing her mouth so she knows I need her.
Holding her tight to my body, I kiss her forehead. In the quiet dim light of her bedroom, she whispers, “Does this mean you forgive me?”
I let out a heavy sigh. “You first.”
“We have to put everything behind us. Can you do that?”
There are so many words left unspoken on my lips, but I’m not fucking good at expressing them. This shit isn’t easy for me, and maybe it’s just from the exhaustion or high emotions of the day, but I feel my lips spilling my heart’s secrets before I can stop myself.
“My whole life I’ve leaned on hate to get me through everything that happened to me. I hated my dad, everyone who put him away, my uncle, you…” I add, looking down at her and catching her eyes in the small shred of light leaking through the curtain. “It was easier that way. But this…whatever this is…it feels better. It’s just scary for me, Everly. What if I’m wrong? What if I’ve been too terrible to you already and you can’t find a way to forgive me? What if I fall and you don’t? I don’t have any more room in my life for pain. I don’t want to feel alone anymore.”
Leaning up on her elbows, she stares at me, and I remember for a moment that she is older than me. Until this moment, I had forgotten. The reminder doesn’t exist in every moment of our lives, so when I do remember that to her I’m just a kid, I search her features for a sign that she sees me like that. But it’s never there.
“You’re not alone, Cullen, and I do forgive you. And whatever this is,” she says, gesturing between our bodies, “I think you know what this is, and it’s not hate, not anymore.”
Pulling her forehead to mine, I hold her close, letting myself enjoy this moment of being so connected to another person. It’s scary as fuck, knowing if I end up alone after this, it will hurt that much more, but she is so fucking worth it.