The Nectar of Pain

I used to say that

I lost you.

Then I said that

you lost me.

Now I say that

you were not meant for

me and

I was not meant for

you.

Thank destiny for

parting our ways

before one of our souls

bled to

death.

It is our
story
that haunts me,
not wanting you back
into my life.
It is not you that I
cannot get over.
It is the pain and
the wounds that keep
bleeding every time I think of you
or hear your name.
It is the scars that I have to hide
everywhere I go
that I cannot get over.
When I think of you,
I don’t see your face anymore.
I see a shadow.
I see pain.

I spent more time getting
over you
than I spent
falling in love with you.

Sad Rebellion

You walk hiding

half of yourself

and a little more than half.

You don’t tell them what

keeps you up at night,

nor do you tell them

what keeps you going.

You don’t tell them

the things you know

you need to say.

You don’t tell them what

scares you to death.

You don’t tell them

what hurts you,

nor do you tell them that you care.

And somehow

in that beautiful silence,

there is a strong but

sad rebellion

against allowing love

in.

Every day, tell yourself this:

Keep your heart kind

no matter how dark the world gets.

You own only yourself.

You can only control your actions.

Keep your heart beautiful.

The world needs that.

I say it to myself,

too.

I kept telling myself:

Letting go does not mean

that you are

giving up

or that you are

weak.

It could just mean that

you are no longer

allowing what hurts you

to control you.

Even if they

are the ones who want

you

to let go of them,

tell yourself that you are

letting them go because

you

want to.

You are not obeying

them.

You are liberating

your soul.

The one who deserves you will

tell you:

Tell me your fears, and I will

fight them

with you.

Your fears are not bigger than

us.

I have fears, too.

Let’s walk through our fears

together

to get to the safety

that

our souls

long for.

It’s painful,
you know,
to not know what you mean anymore
to the one whose love was louder than
thunder
at first.

The doors you closed have been welded shut.
And the keys have been thrown into the seventh sky.

One day, you will ask for my forgiveness.
And I will tell you this.
Where were your sweet words when your lies tainted my soul? Where was your loyalty when your broken promises broke my heart?
Where were your tears when my eyes choked on mine?
Where was your heart when my beats fainted in my chest?
Where was your pain when mine ran through my veins?
Where was your love when mine for you lit through my eyes?
Where was your light when you captured the moon from my night?
Where was your depth when you took the pearls from my ocean?
Can you remove the darkness that you shed from my soul?
Can you mend the promises that you broke?
Can you cry my tears back into smiles?
Can you beat the beats back into my heart?
Can you cleanse the pain from my veins?
Or can you weave my love for you back into my eyes?
Can you put the moon back into my night?
Can I trust you with an ocean
that you’ve already stolen?