The Rosie Effect

You know something? On their deathbed, nobody ever wishes they’d spent more time at the office.’

When I arrived home at 2.32 a.m. in the City That Never Sleeps, I had run approximately twenty kilometres and acquired mackerel, pickles and chocolate (Rosie always craved chocolate). Rosie was asleep. Waving the mackerel under her nose did not stimulate any response.

‘Then wait. People spend their lives worrying about things that never happen.’

‘Seems like excellent advice. I’ll tell Rosie.’

‘Don’t tell her it came from me.’

The Dean of Medicine, our sponsor, an experienced parent. Could there be anyone with greater authority to offer advice on balancing medical studies and parenthood? Yet I suspected he was right in recommending I not mention his name. Rosie would instinctively reject the advice of an older male in authority.

Gene started to get up and collapsed back in the chair. ‘Here’s my last bit of advice before I fall over. Watch some kids, watch them play. You’ll see they’re just little adults, only they don’t know all the rules and tricks yet. Nothing to worry about.’

I had noted some of my own personality traits in the descriptions, but humans consistently over-recognise patterns and draw erroneous conclusions based on them. I had also, at various times, been labelled schizophrenic, bipolar, an OCD sufferer and a typical Gemini. Although I did not consider Asperger’s syndrome a negative, I did not need another label. But it was more interesting to listen than to argue

My mother had given me a useful rule when I was young: before sharing interesting information that has not been solicited, think carefully about whether it has the potential to cause distress

I think I might ask you every day until we get it resolved. You’re a bit nervous, aren’t you?’

‘How can you tell?’

‘All men are. Worried they’ll lose their wives to the baby. Worried they’ll never have sex again. Worried they won’t cut it.’

‘I’m not average. I expect I will have unique problems.’

‘And you’ll solve them in your own unique way.’

‘Do you know how abhorrent I find that type of thinking?’ said Lydia. ‘Do whatever you like and hope that someone will come along and fix it. And get rich doing it. Are you going to save the tuna that way too?’

‘Of course! It’s highly possible we could genetically engineer the yellowfin tuna to taste like bluefin. Classic example of a technological solution to a problem created by humans. I would volunteer for the tasting panel.’

‘You do whatever you want. But I don’t want us, as a group, to order the tuna.’

‘I don’t think this is the right time for a joke, Seymour. Seymour’s book is about guilt, but not about burgers.’

‘Actually I do mention lab burgers. As an example of how complex these issues are and the way deeply rooted prejudices come into play. We need to be more open to thinking outside the box. That’s all Don’s been saying.’