Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (Updated Edition)

A no-effort relationship is a doomed relationship, not a great relationship. It takes work to communicate accurately and it takes work to expose and resolve conflicting hopes and beliefs. It doesn’t mean there is no “they lived happily ever after,” but it’s more like “they worked happily ever after.”

“When you’re lying on your deathbed, one of the cool things to say is, ‘I really explored myself.’

Robert Sternberg, the present-day guru of intelligence, writes that the major factor in whether people achieve expertise “is not some fixed prior ability, but purposeful engagement.” Or, as his forerunner Binet recognized, it’s not always the people who start out the smartest who end up the smartest.

Why waste time proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better? Why hide deficiencies instead of overcoming them? Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow?

What do I have to do to maintain and continue the growth?

When, where, and how will I act on my new plan?

When, where, and how will I embark on my plan?

What are the opportunities for learning and growth today? For myself? For the people around me?

Every lapse doesn’t spell doom. It’s like anything else in the growth mindset. It’s a reminder that you’re an unfinished human being and a clue to how to do it better next time.

Their job is to find every possible flaw. Your job is to learn from the critique and make your paper even better.”